Daily Ick: Your First Date Has a Person Specification

In this invented café scene, two people have just sat down for a first date. One is deciding between tea and coffee. The other has already asked about career ambitions, preferred neighbourhoods and the long-term role of pets.

The pastries have barely entered the discussion. Somehow, the relationship has reached its annual review.

Today's nomination is turning a first date into an interview for a position nobody remembers applying for.

Please describe your ideal Sunday

Curiosity is lovely. A question can open a door. Six questions delivered without following up on any answer can make that door feel like the entrance to a recruitment office.

You mention enjoying walks. The next question concerns your five-year plan. You explain that a recent holiday involved a very persistent goat. The goat receives no further consideration. Apparently livestock anecdotes are outside the assessment criteria.

The tiny ick arrives when answers stop being invitations to a conversation and become boxes to tick. There is no room to wander, change the subject or discover that you both have surprisingly strong feelings about hotel kettles.

Even the silences start looking as though they require supporting documentation.

A date can have real stakes without needing a selection panel. The person across the table might be wonderfully compatible. It would be nice to meet them before checking whether they satisfy the essential requirements.

The perfectly reasonable defence

People have limited time. They may know what matters to them, and asking direct questions can prevent confusion later. Important differences about relationships or future plans do not become smaller because somebody ordered a cinnamon bun.

Some people also find a few prepared questions reassuring. Having a conversational safety net is considerate, particularly when nerves make every interesting thought briefly leave the building.

The distinction is flexibility. A prepared question can start a chat; it need not supervise one. Following an unexpected answer, offering your own story and letting the other person ask something creates a little breathing room.

Nobody needs to perform effortless charm. A bit of mutual attention will do.

A very provisional verdict

Our subjective verdict: innocent preparation, mild ick for conducting the entire meeting as though references will be requested afterwards. Put the imaginary clipboard down occasionally. The goat deserves its moment.

Ick or innocent? Are first-date questions a helpful safety net, or does a full checklist make you feel you should have brought a CV?