In November of 1993, writer/director John Lafia (Child’s Play 2) unleashed Cujo Cocaine Bear (great punk band name) upon the world with Man’s Best Friend. In the movie, a Tibetan Mastiff named Max 3000 is released from a genetic research facility by a reporter named Lori (Breakfast Club’s Ally Sheedy) while trying to expose a company for their cruel experiments on animals. We eventually learn that while Max might look like the best boy ever, he has a lot more in common with Wesley Snipes’ Simon Phoenix character from Demolition Man than he does Lassie.
While in the lab’s care, Max has been experimented on and genetically enhanced with the DNA of a slew of dangerous animals. For example, if threatened he can camouflage himself with the colors of your garage and hide there like a chameleon before deciding to pop out and bite your dick off. He has super strength, speed, and the intelligence level of a human being. But he’s so damn cute! Plus, he saves Lori from a mugger so obviously she takes him home for tummy rubs.
What she, nor the quiet suburban town around her know is that Max has random fits of rage where he gets more intense than Macho Man Randy Savage. If his previous chain-smoking owner, Dr. Jarrett (the great Lance Henriksen) doesn’t find him and give him his special drug cocktail? Everyone in town is about to become Max’s new chew toy.
Half the joy of Man’s Best Friend is watching Max pull off the duality of good boy vs. rage monster. The beauty about “animals gone crazy” movies of the ’80s and ’90s was that they didn’t always have the ease of CGI to turn to for difficult scenes. In the wise words of Billy Madison, they had to “get your ass out there and find that fuckin’ dog!” A great animal actor was a must and Max (and his five stunt dogs) was a goddamn Pacino, DeNiro, and DiCaprio of dog acting. He was as cute as he was vicious and mostly believable, too, aside from a hilariously bad green screen shot or two that honestly just adds to the charm of it all.
But what would Michael Myers be without his Loomis? Lance Henriksen has an almost Donald Pleasence-esque presence on the screen as the “no time for your bullshit” scientist hunts down his million-dollar, mutated dog. He’s no good guy (this fucker experiments on animals!) but most of the time he’s on screen, he’s the only one making any sense. He spends most of the film ripping cigs and being hilariously disgusted with everyone. Including but not limited to the smart-ass, Detective Kovacs, played by none other than Robert Costanzo (Die Hard 2, Total Recall). Who, by the way, thinks this is all stupid and just wants to go kick his feet up and get a hot dog somewhere. Jarret, meanwhile, follows him around screaming at air that this dog is about to go full on Christian Bale on the set of Terminator Salvation on an entire city. Henriksen is so good in the role. You cherish every moment he’s on screen.
Aside from great casting and memorable characters – even Lori’s total jerk and hall of fame mansplainer boyfriend, Perry (Fredric Lehne) leaves his mark – Man’s Best Friend works because it walks that ever elusive line of “serious camp.” Hell, with a little more commentary on the state of society, you could have tricked me into thinking this was a Verhoeven film. For example, during one scene Max chases a neighborhood cat who scratches the local kids. When the cat escapes up a tree, Max throws out his Wolverine claws and climbs up the tree, swallowing the cat whole as the kids watch on in horror. It looks hilarious and weird in all the right ways. Again, no CGI here. They had to use practical FX and shoot a cat crawling out of a prosthetic head in reverse. It looks creepy, weird, and awesome in a way movies just don’t anymore.
There’s another scene where Max decides to shack up with a collie across the street and the whole neighborhood can hear them “cuddling.” Five minutes later, he’s biting a junkyard owner’s (William Sanderson) junk off. And therein lies the beauty of Man’s Best Friend.
I don’t want to mislead you into thinking Man’s Best Friend has the action prowess of John Woo’s Hard Target (another great Henriksen bad guy) or anything. Though, there is at least one awesome shot of someone shooting a gun midair while flying through a glass window. But it does (again, save for a few shots) take the action and dramatic scenes seriously enough that you get the fun feel of watching a ’90s action flick; the twisted nature of a horror film and plenty of baffled laughs along the way. Man’s Best Friend is entertaining as hell. It’s very comparable to Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives where you could laugh at Jason’s hilarious murder techniques while still enjoying the suspense. Both films had an underrated genius to their reserved satire.
In another slasher movie parallel, we go from set piece to set piece, putting Max in different and insane situations, wondering what will happen next and who will survive. There’s the asshole mailman who’s way too pumped about spraying the new dog in town with his pepper spray and makes strange moaning noises as he’s chased over a fence and mauled. There’s the fact that Max buries his victims under the house like he’s John Wayne Gacy and pisses acid onto a victim’s face. Finally, in true ’90s fashion’ it all ends in a showdown at a high-tech facility.
Let me sum it up this way: If you want to see what Cocaine Bear would look like with an actual animal actor in a suspenseful but somehow still hilarious ’90s movie?
Man’s Best Friend is a must see. Seek it out.
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